This Destroyed Soul

Why am I still here?

Years ago, I was at the lowest point in my life. I made a decision based on the information I had at the time. In my head, I really only had two choices...find a way to make the pain stop...or die. Neither of those were good options, but they were all this tortured soul could see. I made my first decision...and it was wrong. I thought it was helping to take some of the pain away, but it turned out to only destroy me in a new way.

Seeing how my first decision only made things worse, I felt there was only one option left...to die. I tried to die. I tried to make the years of pain, torture and torment finally give up their hold on me...but I failed at that too.

Or did I?

Maybe I didn't fail at killing myself, but succeeded in starting a life that no one wants to live. A life where love can go from meaning the whole world, to completely worthless overnight. A life where years of friendship are thrown away like trash. But I'm alive. I'm alive in a world that hates because it doesn't understand. A world that rejects you, without taking the time to look at everything. A world where a lifetime of good becomes meaningless, all because of one mistake.

I wake up every morning into this life and go out into this world every day. Yet not a day goes by where I don't ask myself, "why?". Is this life, this world, really worth being a part of? Should I have ended it all to keep myself from being a part of this world which I dislike so much? Why should I try to find the will to continue on in this broken life of mine?

What is my purpose?